Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
