someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
