so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize