Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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