I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
