If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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