i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
