I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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