Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize