Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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