singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When are your genitals available?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
