Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
should my penis look like a turkey
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
