I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
