were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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