I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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