well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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