At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
