If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
