Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
