I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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