Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
