Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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