i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize