mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
