so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
