I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
