You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
3pm strippers are depressing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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