If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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