ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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