We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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