The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
