Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
