I have demons in me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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