Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
