...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did we literally take a cab across the street
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize