In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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