smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
