Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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