I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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