Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
