Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
