how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
