They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
