I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
