Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
