so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
