Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize