So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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