You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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