I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
