This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
