I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Four minutes until I can fart!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
