i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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