Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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