I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
