Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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