so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
