ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
