Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I had to cum in my sink.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize