If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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