All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Barsexuality is the new black.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
