hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Someone came in the potted fern
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
