My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
