Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
