I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize