is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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