1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize